Next month we’ll be celebrating 10 years on Prince Edward Island as refugees from Ontario.

All along I’d thought we’d been forced to leave Ontario because of the rise of the Mike Harris Tories, because of increasing movie prices, because of the introduction of toll highways, because of the conversion of Woolco stores to Wal-Marts, because all of our friends got divorced and reconstituted in confusing pairs.

Today I finally realized the truth of the matter: we were forced out of Ontario by Andy Barrie.

During my formative years, the host of the local CBC Radio morning show was Joe Coté. From 1979 to 1992 — from the time I was 13 until I turned 26 — Coté hosted Metro Morning. Along with his breezy traffic sidekick Jim Curran he enlightened and entertained the listenership from “dark and early” 6:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. every morning. And he became burned into my mind as the archetypal CBC radio host.

In the intervening years, Andy Barrie has become ensconced in Joe’s position. Because we live here and he broadcasts there, I’ve never heard Andy Barrie. Until today.

Today Andy Barrie filled in for Shelagh Rogers as host of Sounds Like Canada. Ack! Now I know why we had to leave Toronto: this man is not a host, he’s a bumbling, unfocused cardigan sweater. Whatever sharpness or wit is in the man is clouded in a mist of miscues and folksiness that is very annoying. How can you people in Ontario stand to listen to this morning after morning?

Luckily we have no such problems here on Prince Edward Island, where we have eminently capable hosts morning, noon and night.

By the way, it appears as though Jim Curran is still at it. This means he’s been reporting on the Toronto traffic scene for more than 30 years. Doesn’t he ever get bored?

Here’s the response I received from Eastlink regarding my cable outlet quandry:

Thank you.  Your email is important to us and will be addressed within 3 business days.  If your concern is urgent please call us at 453-2800 or toll free at 1-888-345-1111.

Why is this considered acceptable?

If I telephone Eastlink, which is much less convenient for me (mostly because I’ll have to wait on hold for 10 minutes), and much more expensive for them (because they have to pay for me to wait on hold, and because they have to have enough operators on duty to ensure that I’m not waiting forever), they would respond “immediately.”

However for some reason if I email them, which is quick and easy for me, and presumably much easier for them to handle because it’s cheaper, easier to schedule, and can be routed to a much broader collection of support staff, they need 3 business days to answer.

How come?

I’ve never been to formal customer service training school, but I am fairly confident that telling your customer that something they innocently propose is “illegal” isn’t the best way to engender positive feelings toward The Company.

When we moved into our house here at 100 Prince St. in July of 2000, there were cable television outlets in the den, the living room, and in the upstairs back bedroom. Being a conservative family with only one television, we took advantage of only one of these, the one in the living room, but took comfort from the possibilities afforded by the other two should our television needs expand.

When we made the flip to Eastlink digital cable last summer, we read the following in their promotional materials:

As an EastLink Digital Cable subscriber with a Variety Choice or Movie Choice package, you will receive your regular analog Cable service on up to three other outlets in your home without the need to purchase additional boxes.

And so we felt the good times would continue to roll.

It wasn’t until this week, when I went to plug a television into one of the other outlets and found no cable streaming through, that I realized that when the installer did the upgrade to digital, he had disconnected the other outlets.

Having only had positive experiences with Eastlink in the past, I phoned their customer service line, secure in the knowledge that they would quickly send someone out to hook these outlets back up.

I was wrong.

When I explained the situation to the customer service agent, she told me that these “three other outlets” were not, in fact, “three other outlets” at all but rather “service to three other televisions.” Because we only had one television when the digital installer did the installation, we had no entitlement to the additional outlets, and so they were disconnected. Without telling us.

When I suggested they simply realize the error of their ways and send someone out to reinstall what they had uninstalled, she told me I’d have to pay for this. When I suggested I could easily do this myself, her response was “well, that would be illegal.” When I pressed them on the “illegal” part of this, she had little defence, and could quote no source for this information.

I decided to ring off and seek additional information on the topic, and the following is what I received from the CRTC:

Thank you for taking the time to contact the CRTC with your questions on the use of splitters.

The Commission authorizes cable distributors to charge a basic monthly fee for the provision of cable service to a single television receiver, FM receiver, channel convertor or other terminal device. Splitters are readily available through various retail outlets and it is possible for an individual to split the cable feed. Where a cable has been split to allow for service to two terminal devices, however, the cable company is entitled to charge the basic monthly fee for each outlet.  Most cable companies allow a discount for additional outlets but this is at their discretion. Check with your cable company to find out how much they charge.  In any event, failure to pay such a fee could result in disconnection of service.  This approach is similar to that followed in the case of telephone service, where a charge is levied for each line that may be used independently of another.

There are also certain technical reasons why it is important for cable distributors to maintain control over the installation of splitters for the provision of additional outlets and to ensure that splitters are of good quality and properly installed. The use of substandard splitters and associated connectors can result in signal leakage or radiation, which may cause interference to others. Industry Canada requires cable licensees to identify and eliminate sources of radiation, and the presence of such substandard splitters in subscribers’ homes may compromise a cable operator’s ability to meet this requirement.

This suggests that at least the letter of what Eastlink told me is correct, if not the spirit. And rather than being “illegal,” self-installation of a splitter would, more properly, be considered “grounds for disconnection.” In any case, it’s not like I was proposing to do the install myself in secret — I was telling them of my proposal right there on the phone!

So I think what we have, on the customer service side, is simply an overzealous agent, misuing the language for effect. On the marketing side, however, there’s a disconnect between “outlets” and “televisions.” I’m going to write them about that; stay tuned for the response.

From Proposed Roads To Freedom, by Bertrand Russell, published 1919:

Not only does the concentration of power tend to cause wars, but, equally, wars and the fear of them bring about the necessity for the concentration of power. So long as the community is exposed to sudden dangers, the possibility of quick decision is absolutely necessary to self-preservation. The cumbrous machinery of deliberative decisions by the people is impossible in a crisis, and therefore so long as crises are likely to occur, it is impossible to abolish the almost autocratic power of governments. In this case, as in most others, each of two correlative evils tends to perpetuate the other. The existence of men with the habit of power increases the risk of war, and the risk of war makes it impossible to establish a system where no man possesses great power.

The Mac is great because it inspires people to write programs like JeepSafari.

This is a little program that does one little thing: it takes the bookmarks from your Safari browser and syncs them, using your .Mac account as the conduit, with your browsers on all of your others computers.

In other words, it makes it possible to have one set of bookmarks, and to keep them in sync on your office and home computers: when you add a bookmark at the office, it gets synced up with your browser at home.

JeefSafari is:

• free
• beautiful
• fast
• elegant

It doesn’t try and be something more than it should be, and it doesn’t try to establish its greatness through showmanship. It just works.

The spirit of the program is the best union of the pragmatism of the Unix world with the flair of the Mac world.

At times in the past, when selected of the readership have become disenchanted with the things I write here, they have drifted off into conversations about building contraptions to fling cars. I do not know why they do this; I suspect it has something to do with the Harp & Thistle restaurant, and the paroxyisms of glee that the hearty curries and beers therefrom induce.

Realizing as I do the fact that this sub-group may be finding the endless discussion of street drugs, Leo Broderick and digital television less than thrilling, I’ve decided to take a pre-emptive action.

Witness the picture at right, which is a still from this week’s episode of the TLC/Channel 4 programme Junkyward Wars (aka Scrapheap Challenge in the UK).

The challenge: build a machine to fling a Mini.

I grabbed a video clip of the climax of the episode [4.1 MB Quicktime] which shows the trebuchet built by team “Barley Pickers’ ” on its maiden voyage. It is not pretty.

The clip begins with new host Lisa Rogers; she’s a capable replacement for series creator and former host Cathy Rogers. She joins Robert Llewellyn, whose absence from the U.S.-produced episodes is a shame, especially as his role there has been played by a series of annoying men with goatees.

So, there you go: proactive mention of car flinging and trebuchets; fill your boots.

You’ve got to hand it to Bev Meslo — she’s got the fire.

Here’s my favourite part of the agenda for today’s NDP convention:

1:20 - Saying No to war in Iraq

1:55 - Musical Interlude

If I was a member of the NDP, I would vote for Pierre Ducasse; he’s got a good stage presence, a sharp mind, he’s bicultural, and his ideas seem rational without compromising.

Of course my opinion doesn’t count in this; if I ever had hope of joining the Official Left in Canada, I dashed my hopes by daring to be critical of a Party Icon. Oh well. Politcally agnostic irony dealing is much more fun.

Update: What’s with the crazy “unions can buy votes with donations” scheme. This is democracy? Here’s what the official rules say:

The affiliate vote represents the organizational partnership of the NDP and its affiliated members, which are currently primarily labour unions. The affiliate vote will be weighted to represent 25% of the total vote.

The affiliate vote will be conducted on the basis of a delegated vote. Eligibility to participate will be determined on the basis of paid-up affiliated membership 45 days before the date of the vote and contributions to the Federal Party averaged over the previous four calendar years.

Eligibility to vote by affiliate local will be based on one delegate for the first 1,000 members or less and one delegate for each additional 1,000 members or major fraction thereof. Notification of eligibility will be sent directly to each affiliated local 45 days prior to the day of the vote.

Eligibility to vote by contributory organization will be based on one ballot for each $1,000 average annual contribution over the previous four (4) calendar years. The CLC which is a major contributory organization will limit its eligibility to its Executive Officers and Political Action Staff who are delegates to the Convention. Notification of eligibility will be sent to each contributory organization no later than 45 days prior to the day of the vote.

What’s wrong with union members simply being NDP members, and voting like everyone else?

A short note for iBook owners: I noticed recently that my battery would power the iBook for less than 2 hours. I phoned Apple’s warranty line, and after some testing over the phone, they agreed something was awry, and sent me a new battery. I plugged it in and charged it up, and now my expected battery life is 5 hours.

I just received a call from a friendly woman from Aliant offering me some sort of feature that would let me put my home phone, high-speed Internet and cell phone all on one bill for $99 a month.

Now here’s the thing: I do have a cell phone, and I do have high-speed Internet, but they’re not attached to the number she phoned, they’re part of the business, and are attached to the business’ telephone line. And this “combined and all on one bill” feature is residential only.

Isn’t the promise of technology that people who call us to sell us things should already know what they’ve sold us before, and what we might be interested in, so that the calls are helpful and targetted rather than random and annoying?

I have only to assume that Aliant can figure out which phone lines run where, and who they’re billed to; why not use that information to make outcalling telemarketer’s smarter, rather than forcing them to reveal their ignorance, as my caller today did when she said “oh, so you don’t have high speed Internet on this bill?”

Free tip for Aliant: if you use technology in your own business, people will be impressed, and will look to you for their technology needs, and your whole company will profit.

For those in the readership that follow them, I’ve rewired the statistics link up top to link to a report of traffic over the past 48 hours, rather than the old report that covered a much longer period.

This new report provides much better “snapshot” information on where people are coming from and what they’re reading.

I’ve provided a link to statistical information almost from the birth of this site as much to show the world what a webserver gathers about web visitors as anything else. Web traffic is usually treated as being on the proprietary side of the fence by companies, and this means that civilians rarely get a chance to look at the kind of data that’s being gathered, in aggregate, about their web visiting habits.