I’m looking for a man who moved from New Mexico to somewhere in Ireland in 1998. I know his name, but little else. I went to the online version of the Irish Telephone Directory and was frustrated by the fact that I needed to know the county he lived in to be able to search. So I emailed the contact person for that website, and this is what I got in reply:

Further to your email, unfortunately I can not help you at this time, in Ireland by law you must know the full name and the approximate address to search for anyone’s telephone number. Sorry I can not be of more help at this time.

According to Coca-Cola’s trademark application, Coca-Cola, Diet Coke was introduced to Canada in 1983. Pop in non-refillable containers was prohibited in PEI from 1984 onwards. So it may be that Mr. Greenberg (see below) visited our Island in the winter of 1983 or spring of 1984.

My mysterious friend Gary brought to my attention an article in last weekend’s Ottawa Citizen that reviewed a book by Today Show travel correspondent Peter Greenberg. In the article, Greenberg relates a story about Prince Edward Island:

“It was the middle of winter and I was doing a story about seals,” says Greenberg… “We got back to the motel after a day on the ice floes, at about 9 o’clock at night. I went to the lounge and the only thing I wanted was a Diet Coke.

“I asked the waitress: ‘Do you have it in a bottle or can? I hate how it tastes out of the nozzle.’ The next thing I know, she’s dashed across a four-lane highway in a snowstorm to a 7-Eleven or something and comes back with a six-pack of Diet Coke in cans. Now that’s service. I don’t care how bad that motel was, I’d go back there in a second because of that waitress. I’d go back to Prince Edward Island because of that waitress.”

Two things seemed odd to Gary (and to me): first, you cannot buy pop in cans on Prince Edward Island, only in bottles. This is the law. Second, there are no four-land highways on Prince Edward Island.
So, with Gary’s prodding, I decided I had to investiage further. I sent an email to the Canadian Press Editor in Chief asking about this discrepancy. I received the following response:

Thank you for your query about the travel story by Ken Becker. The quote in question was accurate and is indeed an anecdote that was related by author Peter Greenburg to Ken. It’s possible that the anecdote may have been based on an incident that happened so long ago that Greenburg has become hazy on some details, or perhaps Diet Coke was sold in cans there many years ago.

Ken also notes that some Americans might call a four-lane road a “highway,” as they refer to their major expressways as Interstates and freeways down there.

I am intimidated by bike guys. Not biker guys but bike guys — the hyper-athletic cycle-riding guys with special pants and glasses and titanium water bottles and bicycles made of space-age alloys discovered on Mars.

It is in this climate of fear, or rather despite it, that last year I decided that I should buy a bicycle. Being mostly sedentary, I figured it was time that I got that 15 minutes a day of activity I’m supposed to get so as to avoid early death, etc. and cycling, because it’s the one physical activity I loved as a child, seemed like a fit.

It took me a year to go from that decision to the actual purchase.

My problem was that the logical place to purchase said bicycle was at Smooth Cycle. They are at 172 Prince Street. I am at 100 Prince Street. We are neighbours. They are a downtown business. I had a gut feeling that buying from them, in the end, would be a much better choice than the other prominent one, which was buying from Canadian Tire.

And this was a problem because Smooth Cycle, which I walk by almost every day, seems to positively ooze the bike guy ethos. Look at their website: “Why buy from us?” they ask, “Because we’re racers and riders and we know our stuff.” That’s a very bike guy kind of thing to say.

They website continues: “Smooth Cycle is run by a team which includes competing mountain bikers, triathletes, runners, canoeists, snow boarders, and X-Country skiers.” I wish that some of my best friends where triathletes, but alas this is not the case. I don’t even know what a “X-Country skier” is, but it sounds like it involves jumping off cliffs.

Finally, however, with a sedentary summer fully in swing, I had to act. Using wee Oliver as a diversionary tactic, I ambled in, trying to look bike guy, late last week. Much as I suspected, there were shadowy figures whispering through the store dripping with derailleurs. I almost bolted. Then one of them emerged. I stated my case. He showed me a bike — a GT Palomar — and told me that was the bike for me. $349.99. Fire-engine red. He talked about brakes and frames and studly tires. I told him I’d be back to take a test drive.

Nice as that one bike guy was, I almost didn’t return. But, somehow, I plucked up my courage, and on Saturday I set off from home for a test drive. Back into the derailleur breach I went. Different bike guy this time. Another nice guy. I told him I was there for a test drive. He handed me the bike, asked me if I wanted a helmet. And off I went. No need to leave the keys to my car, or my driver’s license, or a $700 cash bond. I just went. This was a good sign: the bike guys trusted me.

And so around I drove. I enjoyed myself. The bike felt good. I thought to myself “could I actually buy this?” Myself thought maybe I could. So I returned to my new trusting bike guy friend and simply said “I’ll take it.” This seemed to surprise him. Perhaps I was supposed to be more tentative? Perhaps I should have asked about the torque converter ratio or something. Then he said “that’s great.” And off we went. Bought the helmet (20% off - nice). Bought a lock (20% off - nice). Found that three years free service are included in the price (very nice). Bike Guy took the new bike into the back shop and worked some last minute tune-up magic on it.

And so now I own a bike. I am not a bike guy. I probably never will be (although after two casual jaunts around town in heavy jeans I understand about the special shorts). But I had a thoroughly enjoyable experience buying the bike, and would highly recommend Smooth Cycle to anyone who’s in the market.

At the beginning and end of any Paramount Pictures film from 1966 to 1989 you see the image here, with the text Paramount - A Gulf + Western Company. Indeed Andy Warhol imortalized the image in his work Paramount.

But what was Gulf + Western?

The Encyclopedia Britannica tells us the company was a corporation that was founded in 1958 by Charles Bluhdorn and became one of the most highly diversified conglomerates in the United States. Gulf + Western took control of the Paramount Pictures Corporation in 1966. Gulf + Western changed its name to Paramount Communications Inc. in 1989 and was acquired by the media conglomerate Viacom Inc. in 1994.

Amazingly, there seems to be almost no memory left of Charles Bluhdorn nor Gulf + Western. Do a Google search for Charles Bluhdorn and you get only 87 hits (Henry Ford returns 235,000).

Perhaps we are too embarassed to remember. In Michael Eisner’s autobiography Work in Progress we learn:

…Eisner’s boss was the irrepressible Charles Bluhdorn, the chief executive of Gulf and Western. During one afternoon of hot tub schmooze at Bluhdorn’s home in the Dominican Republic, Bluhdorn proposed a film “in which Sitting Bull meets Hitler. We ought to get Dustin Hoffman involved.” Then, Eisner reports, “he suggested a ‘Bad News Bears’ sequel set in Cuba, in which Castro hits the winning home run.” Ever the diplomat, Eisner made but one suggestion: the Americans ought to win.

In the few web pages where Bludhorn is mentioned, he is described with terms like manic and autocratic, the most rapacious and ruthless of conglomerateurs and a coarse boob with funny accent. There are no biographies of Charles Bluhdorn. Business case studies don’t seem to mention Gulf + Western. They have been erased from our collective memory.

From this page we learn the details of his death: Charles Bluhdorn… died of a heart attack on a corporate jet flying from the Dominican Republic to New York in February 1983…. Among those who attended the private funeral services at St. Mary’s Church was former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.

Think of Charles Bluhdorn every time you watch Heaven Can Wait or Chinatown or The Godfather and see Gulf + Western on the screen.

I learned this morning, by listening to CBC’s Off the Cuff, that Sharon, Lois and Bram have become Sharon, Bram and Friends (this page would suggest that and Friends is the weird elephant). According to an undated Sid Adilman article:

Lois is taking an indefinite leave of absence from Sharon, Lois & Bram, Canada’s most popular children’s music group, which she co-founded in 1978.

Grieving over the sudden death last year of her husband Ernest, a retired York University sociology professor, Lois Lillienstein no longer wants to tour or perform on a regular basis.

“Happiness always bubbled up naturally; it’s not any more,” she said yesterday.

There’s interesting video [RealVideo] of Noel moderating a panel at PopTech conference in Camden.

When I lived in the cosmopolitan city of Peterborough, Ontario back in the mid- to late 1980s, there came a time when they ran out of good old solid telephone numbers in the 743 and 748 telephone exchanges, and anyone who signed up for new telephone service received a number in the dreaded 741 exchange (a plot that later played out on Seinfeld when Elaine was assigned a 646 exchange number instead of a 212).

This situation is playing itself out again, this time here in grand old Charlottetown: new provincial public servants are marked by their presence in the dreaded 569 exchange.

They might as well make them wear special boots!

Glitzy brother Steve gives us an insider’s look at hosting the afternoon edition at CBC Saskatchewan.

At CBC Saskatchewan they don’t use up a lot of their creativity naming their radio shows. These shows are named, The Morning Edition, The Noon Edition and The Afternoon Edition.

One wonders why they just don’t call them The First Show, The Second Show and The Third Show (or even better, The Show after the First Show and so forth).

These names pale in comparision to the various jaunty names given to the afternoon show at CBC Toronto which have included Here & Now, Later the Same Day and, my personal favourite, 4 to 6 (which, admitedly, does have a Saskatchewan-like ring of the obvious to it).

In any case, this is all a backwards way of alerting the listening public that my gregarious brother Steve is filling in as host of The Afternoon Edition for the next several weeks, starting today.

You can listen to him live [using RealAudio] from 4 to 6 (!) Central Standard Time (aka wacky “no daylight savings time” time in the Central time zone).

Our migration to a new data centre (aka our 175 year old basement) is complete, and www.reinvented.net and related websites are now hosted 7 feet below where I type this. As this move entailed a change in DNS, you may not be reading this until up to 24 hours after this move; apologies for any frustration.