What is the percentage of squirrels that are online?

The other morning at breakfast we were wondering what percentage of squirrels are online. 

We were wondering this because, the previous day, I’d left a This Box is for Good box filled with chocolate on the doorstep of a friend, and Lisa wondered if, before it got to her, it might be captured by squirrels. And so we wondered if, having so-captured the box, the squirrels would follow up by registering the box on our website, as the box instructs.

This led us, as you can understand, to wonder “What is the percentage of squirrels that are online?”

So I asked Perplexity, the AI-powered search engine that New York Times writer Kevin Roose recently took for a ride by way of seeing whether it might out Google as his go-to place to find things out:

Hundreds of searches later, I can report that even though Perplexity isn’t perfect, it’s very good. And while I’m not ready to break up with Google entirely, I’m now more convinced that A.I.-powered search engines like Perplexity could loosen Google’s grip on the search market, or at least force it to play catch-up.

Here’s how Perplexity answered:

The question seems to be based on a misunderstanding or a joke, as squirrels, being non-human animals, do not have the capability to use the internet or be “online” in the way humans do. Squirrels are small mammals known for their bushy tails and propensity for climbing trees. They are found in many parts of the world and are often seen in urban areas, but they do not have the cognitive ability or physical means to access or use the internet.

I love that reply six ways from Sunday.