Popular CBC Personalities Deported

OTTAWA, ONTARIO — In a move that has rocked the Canadian public broadcasting host and performer community, Prime Minister Jean Chretien today announced that popular CBC personalities Jonathan Torrens and Ralph Benmergui are to be immediately deported to the small Island nation of Tuvalu.

A spokesperson for the Prime Minister’s Office delivered the following brief statement from the steps of Parliament Hill early this morning:

After careful consideration to the needs of everyday working Canadians, the Prime Minister decided that the quality of life for all would be significantly improved if Mr. Torrens and Mr. Benmergui simply weren’t around anymore.
Neither Torrens nor Benmergui were available for comment.


Mark McQuaid's picture
Mark McQuaid on July 1, 2002 - 16:40 Permalink

oh if only it were true…Imagine a world with Jonathan Torrens…how sweet it would be ..

Andrew's picture
Andrew on July 1, 2002 - 17:06 Permalink

Deported to Prince Edward Island is more like it, hahaha. Halifax gets the Hip and we get Charlottetown Native Jonathan Torrens.

dave moses's picture
dave moses on July 1, 2002 - 18:03 Permalink

i like ‘em both. flame on!

Alan's picture
Alan on July 1, 2002 - 18:16 Permalink

Can they take Tina Szrobniak with them? I would actually trade Benmurgie for her. He suffered through the TV and the replacement spots to come out the other side to hip-check St. Sheilagh the tedious [who replaced St. Peter the sanctimonious] out of the serious news side of the mornings. I am starting to like him like I liked him on Variety Tonight after he replaced Vicki. Ah, Vicki, the best CBC personality ever…or at least after Jack Farr. I would take one each of Vicki, Jack and Ralph over a stack of Shelaggghs and P. Gzowskys and Tinas anytime and would still have a pack of Jonovision cards that would only be good for bicycle spoke use.

Lana's picture
Lana on July 1, 2002 - 21:06 Permalink

My happiest moment was pushing away a group of teenagers at the millennium bash to get a photo with Torrens. Sweet memories. No sarcasm. Flaming Canadian personalities is just soooo… Canadian.

Rob MacD's picture
Rob MacD on July 2, 2002 - 14:42 Permalink

Torrens I like. Benmurgie I want to like. But I’d like to put my vote in to see and hear more Sook Yun Lee. Seems like she’s made the switch from MuchMusic to CBC. I heard on DNTO the other weekend and she was great. She was also on the Canada Celebrates program last night, and while not so great, I’ll blame any shortcomings to the time-lag between Ch’town and Victoria BC, and the less-than-stellar production itself. The comedy on that program was brutal.

Alan's picture
Alan on July 2, 2002 - 14:45 Permalink

I saw her and her band open for Kearney Lake Road [proto Sloan band with two other current members] on Spring Garden Road in the late 80’s

Kevin's picture
Kevin on July 9, 2002 - 14:49 Permalink

Chretien’s move is nearly enought to compel me to vote Liberal! Well done Chretien — if only!

Kevin's picture
Kevin on July 9, 2002 - 14:54 Permalink

Alan! Tina? Not, my Tina! Al! Let me finish my pronounce-her-name course first please.

Kevin D's picture
Kevin D on July 11, 2002 - 12:59 Permalink

Deport Jonathenn Torrens? You must be mad! Have you ever seen Trailer Park Boys? Very Very funny. J-Rock would put his foot up in your a**