Popular CBC Personalities Deported

Peter Rukavina

OTTAWA, ONTARIO — In a move that has rocked the Canadian public broadcasting host and performer community, Prime Minister Jean Chretien today announced that popular CBC personalities Jonathan Torrens and Ralph Benmergui are to be immediately deported to the small Island nation of Tuvalu.

A spokesperson for the Prime Minister’s Office delivered the following brief statement from the steps of Parliament Hill early this morning:

After careful consideration to the needs of everyday working Canadians, the Prime Minister decided that the quality of life for all would be significantly improved if Mr. Torrens and Mr. Benmergui simply weren’t around anymore.
Neither Torrens nor Benmergui were available for comment.

Comments

Submitted by Mark McQuaid on

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oh if only it were true…Imagine a world with Jonathan Torrens…how sweet it would be ..

Submitted by Andrew on

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Deported to Prince Edward Island is more like it, hahaha. Halifax gets the Hip and we get Charlottetown Native Jonathan Torrens.

Submitted by Alan on

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Can they take Tina Szrobniak with them? I would actually trade Benmurgie for her. He suffered through the TV and the replacement spots to come out the other side to hip-check St. Sheilagh the tedious [who replaced St. Peter the sanctimonious] out of the serious news side of the mornings. I am starting to like him like I liked him on Variety Tonight after he replaced Vicki. Ah, Vicki, the best CBC personality ever…or at least after Jack Farr. I would take one each of Vicki, Jack and Ralph over a stack of Shelaggghs and P. Gzowskys and Tinas anytime and would still have a pack of Jonovision cards that would only be good for bicycle spoke use.

Submitted by Lana on

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My happiest moment was pushing away a group of teenagers at the millennium bash to get a photo with Torrens. Sweet memories. No sarcasm. Flaming Canadian personalities is just soooo… Canadian.

Submitted by Rob MacD on

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Torrens I like. Benmurgie I want to like. But I’d like to put my vote in to see and hear more Sook Yun Lee. Seems like she’s made the switch from MuchMusic to CBC. I heard on DNTO the other weekend and she was great. She was also on the Canada Celebrates program last night, and while not so great, I’ll blame any shortcomings to the time-lag between Ch’town and Victoria BC, and the less-than-stellar production itself. The comedy on that program was brutal.

Submitted by Alan on

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I saw her and her band open for Kearney Lake Road [proto Sloan band with two other current members] on Spring Garden Road in the late 80’s

Submitted by Kevin D on

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Deport Jonathenn Torrens? You must be mad! Have you ever seen Trailer Park Boys? Very Very funny. J-Rock would put his foot up in your a**

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Photo of Peter RukavinaI am . I am a writer, letterpress printer, and a curious person.

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