I managed to keep our kitchen free from fruit flies for almost two years; I took this as a sign that I’m an impeccable housekeeper, but was disabused of this by others who told me that the city has been generally fruit fly free during this period.

This week, however, they are back with abandon, at 2004 battle strength.

Yes, I’ve tried the beer, the wine, the apple cider vinegar; the only thing that gives me any sense of control is vacuuming them up, which is ineffective but at least temporarily satisfying.