I remember over a decade ago when I was going through a very major breakup. Every morning I woke up and felt like I had been in a car accident. It was miles worse than the general “Whyyyy” I feel when I remember that we’ve shifted the clocks again. This process of readjustment was felt far more acutely and it took a very long time to not feel like the worst person on the planet. Indeed at one point I proclaimed, “I want a fast-forward button” even though I knew this wouldn’t be possible. Emotional distress is not something that any of us can grow out of, and it is not something that can be intellectualized away.
As someone who really truly did think, in the wake of Catherine’s death, that I had secret access to a special fast-forward button, only to learn it was a mirage, I can attest to this from experience.
I can also attest that simply thinking I shouldn’t be feeling something is an ineffective defence against feeling it.