Joy

From These days by rebecca toh:

I like to lie on my bed and let my life, all that I’ve done and said, all that I’ve taken and given, fall upon me like a giant blanket, and feel the joy and weight of being alive. This is it, I tell myself. This, right now, this impeccable, perfect moment of nowness, is packed with atom upon atom upon atom of unfiltered joy. But this joy is rich, like a really good cup of coffee. It has depth, bitterness, flavor notes so subtle if I didn’t pay attention I would not notice them at all. And this joy I drink, allowing it to consume me. It tastes so fucking good. But there was a time when I didn’t understand the depth, when I didn’t understand the bitterness.