Liberation Candology

Catherine left Oliver and I alone at 4:00 this afternoon to go to a meeting. When she returned, Oliver was dressed like a cow. I couldn’t help myself: I spotted the cow-print pillowcase in the corner, and it was crying out to become Oliver’s first Hallowe’en costume.

When Catherine returned, she fashioned a tail and cow-ears to complete the effect (Catherine is very talented: I can cut arm-holes, she can craft realistic-looking cow ears).

Ever mindful of Oliver’s candy-virgin status (although he did have four Smarties, care of the cashier at Shopper’s Drug Mart), and suspicious that if he tasted the golden nectar of candy in great quantities he would be off chili garlic rice forever, we decided to conduct a limited neighbourhood tour.

I was concerned about leaving the house unattended during candy distribution prime time, but Catherine assured me that, based on last year’s traffic statistics, we would likely get few if any goblins and, anyway, we could simply leave the candy bowl out in the Reinvented Lobby and kids could equitably help themselves.

So we headed off on our small tour, first going to Catherine Hennessey’s house. We stayed for a piece of apple pie — no more than 30 minutes — and when we returned, the candy bowl was empty.

Judging from the amount of street traffic, this was not due to a sudden influx of equitably distributing children, but rather from a visit from one “hell, I might as well dump the entire candy bowl in my pillow case” rapscallion.

I am so naive.

I actually thought that, in the same Island spirit of “New Potatoes: Leave Money in Jar,” the kids who happened upon our self-serve candy cache would take a small amount, and leave the remainder for their peers, thereby serving both to broadcast their moderation, and to contribute to the Greater Good.

I guess candy and potatoes are in different morality classes.


Wayne's picture
Wayne on November 1, 2002 - 12:06 Permalink

The evil Candyman strikes again…at least you wern’t soaped!!! Anyway, I am sure the culprit was “From Away”!

Alan's picture
Alan on November 1, 2002 - 13:32 Permalink

…or some local kids are actually thieving bastards like anywhere…public celebration of the last vestige of paganism here abouts is one of the more intense exercise in lawless wickedness in Canada…where else are curfews barely past dusk enforced by the cops.

Steven Garrity's picture
Steven Garrity on November 1, 2002 - 13:47 Permalink

I share you pain! I learned early into the night that you have to keep the candy behind you and hand it to them yourself. I actually had some older kids swipe a few handfuls of change from the Unicef bowl — there is a special place in hell for crimes like that.

Andrew's picture
Andrew on November 1, 2002 - 14:36 Permalink

The old ‘take all the candy trick’ eh? I remember one time my brother, cousin and a few friends were visiting the apartments in upper queen across from what was then the back of K-Mart. In front of one of the units was a box a mini begs of chips, we figured ‘what the hell’ and dumped the whole box in our begs. I was 9 or 10 when I did this… I meant no harm by it, we just wanted more candy, it’s like a drug you know.

Alan's picture
Alan on November 1, 2002 - 15:36 Permalink

Maybe a less romantic view of the province and Halloween would show it to be a hotbed of pagan bastardlyness. No word yet of the usual barn burnings and flaming road barriers. Wheatly River packed in door to door in favour of a kids party at the hall. Smacks of fanaticism. One friend still was ready to give out candy but only for auslanders. I swear I saw a 25 foot wickerman on the horizon Mayfield way.

art's picture
art on November 1, 2002 - 16:49 Permalink

Having been informed that two of my children consumed great quantities of their Halloween loot to supplement their breakfast, I wonder if the thieves will get full retribution by way of their stomachs. If there was ever a day I would not want to be a teacher facing a room full of children, it would be the day after Halloween.

Johnny's picture
Johnny on November 1, 2002 - 17:23 Permalink

To leave a giant bowl of candy unattended on Halloween and to assume that wee kids won’t plunder it all in one go is like leaving a compulsive gambler at the Bellagio with a giant stack of chips and hoping he’ll only play one hand of poker. Its just not ganna happen.

Oliver's picture
Oliver on November 1, 2002 - 19:01 Permalink

Indeed, Peter, I would not be surprised if you had just become personally responsibility for the creation of a future scofflaw, thief and murderer from a formerly guiltless child—one who had walked the straight and narrow for his or her entire 10 or 11 years, only to be irresistably tempted from the moral path (running down the middle of the Prince Street sidewalk) by an unattended bowl of candy that had been placed mercilessly in the way by you. Really, Peter, it’s for you that the special place in hell must be reserved. Although I guess I could see there’s another side of the argument too.

LubbockLawLibrarian's picture
LubbockLawLibrarian on November 1, 2002 - 22:51 Permalink

maybe the problem was with your candy — next year try chocolate-covered lima beans or Big Turks or something equally inedible but that technically fulfills the “Hallowe’en candy” role. Potato-morality vs. sugar-morality, I like it.