In a move intended to solve, once and for all, the problem of how to best arrange its parking lots and the various entrances thereto, administration at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Charlottetown today unveiled details of a new “Entrance 2000” plan in a report to the public.
The hospital, which has rearranged its entrance road system several times in recent years, has been plagued with “chronic underperformance of entrance schemology,” says the report.
Under the new plan all parking for the facility will be moved across the Hillsborough River to Stratford. Patients and visitors will be routed to the hospital by a series of high technology pedestrian bridges and zodiac boats.
To ensure the needs of emergency patients are met, a special high-speed luge ramp will be installed over the river, terminating in the outpatient department.
An unnamed source at the hospital, responding to questions about the plan from the media, said “We know there will be challenges adjusting to the new system, but we have faith that this new plan, by moving parking offsite and introducing high technology, will ultimately prove successful.”
Construction is to begin immediately. During construction, patients and visitors will be bused by special high-speed shuttle, from a remote parking lot in Cornwall.