Dear Water People

They say we should all be drinking more water. And personally I’ve been feeling sort of dehydrated of late.

So, with Johnny’s support, I said “hey, let’s get a water cooler at the office.”

As my friends upstairs are patrons of Prince Edward Springs, the water arm of the company formerly known as Seaman’s Beverages, I called there first. And I immediately got trapped in the spider’s web of interactive telephone menus that kept leading me to the “general mailbox for the Pepsi-Cola Bottling Group.” I didn’t want to leave a message, I wanted to order some water. So I hung up. I tried three of four more times over the afternoon, and always ended up at the same place. If they can’t answer their phone, I reason, perhaps they will forget to bring the water too.

Next.

Things looked more promising at Sparkling Springs: they have a website, and that website has an order form. I dutifully filled this out, and was assured by the response that they check their email every day, and that I would hear back shortly. That was 48 hours ago. I have yet to hear back. If they can’t answer their email, I reason, perhaps they will forget to bring the water too.

My third option is Culligan. However I have latent fears about Culligan, for I associate their brand with “water treatment.” Which implies that the water in question was originally in need of treatment. And the last thing I want is fetid water that’s been made better by technology.

Perhaps I should simply turn to the tap.